Fuck Trilobites 

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with dinosaurs. That should go without saying. I mean, every kid is—and if they aren’t, they warrant testing.

I was born and raised and for the past 21 years have been kind of trapped in Ohio.

The inclination to create associations to better understand or appreciate history is something that starts young, and so as a little nerd I was always fascinated with what happened in Ohio before I was around. Surely we had some badass dinosaurs right?

Fucking no.

Stupid Ohio, covered in water. And we don’t even get any fucking cool sea monster fossils to show for it. Just stupid fucking trilobites. I was so crestfallen when I realized that Ohio had absolutely nothing to show for its prehistorical fossil remains. 

When I was in kindergarten or first grade or something, I was taken on a field trip to go fossil hunting. And by fossil hunting they meant trilobite hunting. You want to know how exciting little trilobite remains are? Not fucking very. 

Fuck you, Trilobite.